Fighting between parents and daughters, more so when it is an attention-seeking type, can prove hard to fight. Here at Delhi Public School Warangal, the best boarding school in Warangal, Telangana, India, we could well understand the intricacies that arise in that situation. The issue generally arises from a daughter who feels she is ignored or alienated for some reason, provoking her to attract attention with such acts, leading to fights.
However, this problem can be addressed with the right strategies, practical advice, and techniques. By employing some thoughtful activities and guidance, parents can foster a better relationship with their daughters, helping to reduce the frequency of conflicts. This blog discusses how helpful the knowledge gained would be for parents when handling attention-seeking behavior and how to do it so as to achieve understanding and peace.
With the right skills and techniques and a bit of patience, fighting can be replaced with positive interactions, making for a much friendlier home. This blog provides useful advice on a particularly common, problematic issue: siblings fight, but why and how to resolve the situation constructively?.
Reasons to why the daughter is fighting
1. To get noticed by parents :
Daughters start to fight against their parents to ask for their attention, primarily. This action is done to share an incident or action or just want to showcase their talent. It is a very natural part of human behaviour and with some time and maturity it gets minimal. Still , it is very important to understand the reason behind the continuous fights between daughters and parents.
Children often fight to get some attention from parents or from others to showcase their talent or just to tell a story of their life. It is necessary to understand the reason behind the fights. Sibling rivalry is a very natural part of growing up and siblings become best friends or partners in crime after some time with some maturity, the fights become minimal.
2. Resentment:
Resentment or jealousy is not a positive feeling and usually hurts the closest person most. It hurts everyone as both parents and their daughter. Sometimes daughters with different siblings think that they are less favoured than others.
Jealousy is a negative feeling which hurts everyone especially siblings who fight each other thinking others are more favoured or parents are giving more attention or importance to others.
3. Contrasting personalities:
The creation of conflict comes from the different , individual and contrasted personalities between parents and their daughter. The different era of growing up also affects the relationship. This is the reason why the ideologies, perspectives and preferences do not match between parents and their daughter.
Conflicts come from the differences of different personalities in each individual. Sometimes, the personalities or ideologies do not match and lead to conflict, which affects decision-making as a family with differences of opinion.
4. Sharing:
The concept of sharing is caring will help your daughter to broaden their horizon and be helpful and kind towards others. Simple disagreements over toys, foods, car seats or earthly possessions lead to fights.
5. Boundaries:
Everyone deserves privacy or having established boundaries to maintain some basic human decency to enjoy and entertain themselves alone. It will be very difficult for the daughter if she has to defend her privacy from other family members. Your daughter deserves privacy and positive personal boundaries inside the home.
The best way to resolve any conflict is to understand the reasons behind it. Recognising the reasons will help to address the root cause of the conflict between you and your daughter.
Effective strategies to reduce fighting:
1. Set clear rules and expectations:
Too much interference in the lives of the little ones is not ideal. It is very important to know what is allowed and not allowed in a private and public place. For instance, hitting, yelling, name-calling or bullying others lack human sense and thus are the most commonly done practices to be followed. Coming to the point one can state actions, such as third person-activities, that are quite misbehaving and should not be done. Telling your children all the rules of the family and why these rules should be observed, whatever happens, is a good way of camouflaging them. The fundamental issue here is that you are not only strict with the rules but at the same time you are also fair with the punishment of the responsible child.
It is crucial to set clear house rules and acceptable behaviours for your daughter. It is very important to know what is allowed and not allowed in a private and public place. For example, hitting, yelling, name-calling or bullying others are definitely off-limits. Discussing these rules and the reasons behind enforcing these rules will help your daughter to realise why it is not right to hit someone or bully others. The key factor is consistency in this field. Fair use of these rules with consistency and the punishment when found guilty will help your daughter stop fighting against you.
2. Encourage positive behaviour:
Good behaviour should be rewarded with positive reinforcement with equal punishment for bad behaviours. Being proud of your children for example if they are playing harmoniously with other kids, if they are sharing their toys with others, dropping off their temper with or without requesting as well as communicating their difficulties with adults will make your daughter abandon your game. A rewarding system such as giving some treats or stickers or extra playtime or letting her pick the movie for the night will be a way of achieving parent-daughter interactions based on positive vibes. This will help her connect the dots of positive behaviors and rewards and she will tend to perform those behaviors again and thus start repairing the relationship between you and your daughter.
Good behaviour should be rewarded with positive reinforcement with equal punishment for bad behaviours. Praising your daughter for playing nicely with others, sharing toys with others without any hesitation or tantrums or resolving any conflict with a peaceful mind while discussing the problems with elders will help your daughter to stop fighting against you. A rewarding system such as giving some treats or stickers or extra playtime or letting her pick the movie for the night will give a chance to have a positive interaction between parents and daughters. This will help her recognise positive behaviours and rewards related to it, which she will tend to repeat and ultimately will help the relationship between you and your daughter.
3. Teach conflict resolution skills:
Conflict resolution is an extremely important skill that young kids should know from the very early stages of life as it is the one that is utilized to resolve a fight by expressing feelings and emotions calmly and support listening skills by which one can understand others. It allows us to step into other people’s shoes and see the world from other perspectives or points of view. The most effective way to master these skills is through playing various roles in different situations. She will enjoy it to the full and also get helpful knowledge when she begs her parents to let her hang out with her friends for a daytrip or convince a sibling to allow her to play with their toys in a kind way. The idea of treating her with politeness and respect towards younger people presented through the tool of restraint or asking siblings in the right way will help her in courtesy and to be humble with everyone.
Conflict resolution skill is an important skill which kids should know from a very early stage of life as it helps to resolve any fight by expressing feelings and emotions calmly and improves listening skills by understanding others. It helps to understand other’s opinions and different perspectives or points of view. The best way to practice these skills is by playing different roles in various situations. It will be fun and educational where she will ask her parent’s permission to go out with friends for a sleepover or ask a sibling for permission to play with their toys nicely. Guiding her through this as to how to talk politely to younger people or asking nicely to siblings will help her to be polite to everyone.
4. Spend quality time together:
A source of endless arguments between you and your daughter may come from emotional reasons or the sensation felt as unnoticed or rejected from the parents’ love and affection. By dedicating quality time to your daughter, you will minimize her feeling of neglect and diminish the presence of negative thoughts. Setting out specific plans or ideas for you and your daughter to join and enjoy will be a relief to you and her, as it will allow you to share the pleasant moments with her. Her obtaining affirmation, which is of course, being shown that you value her, will be her assurance of your love. This may direct time for you and your daughter to wear none or to a small amount.
The reason for continuous fights between you and your daughter can be emotional or the feeling as neglected or rejected from parental love and affection. Spending quality time with each other can reduce the feeling of negligence and negative thoughts for your daughter. Planning special activities or events which you and your daughter can enjoy together can help to reduce the fight between you and your daughter. This will ensure her validation and acceptance, valued and loved. This can strengthen the bond between you and your daughter and reduce the fighting to a minimal amount.
5. Create personal space:
Having or creating personal space on their to retreat from the fight is always essential for the bond between the parents and daughter. This will make them feel safe and secure after the fight . It can be an extra bed or any cozy corner of a room or watching a movie or reading a book also helps to cool off from the heat of fighting .
Ensuring your daughter has their own space to retreat at any time to calm themselves down or just to spend some personal time with movies and books will help your daughter to feel safe and in control, comfortable within a known place. Even a cosy corner of a room or having a personal bed will change her attitude immediately.
6. Model good behaviour:
Having a model of good behaviour as the idea of calming down a fight between parents and daughter is always a good It idea. Children usually learn from their parents. The behaviour and actions should reflect the good manners of the parents as the kids are learning from their parents. It is very important to be a role model or atleast have a role model. The good manners for both daughter and parents should be apologetic to each other to keep the bond between the parent and daughter. It will shape their future.
Children are most likely to learn behaviours and actions from their parents. It is important to be a role model for her to handle conflicts better with respect and communication. Telling your daughter how to negotiate or compromise and apologise for her mistakes whenever necessary will help you shape her future. Managing disagreement peacefully in front of her will help her to mimic that behaviour.
7. Stay calm and patient:
The parents always have to be calm and composed as the fighting against their own daughter is quite frustrating. Daughter and her parents both get hurt by each other. Instead the parents have to be calm and patient as it will make the daughter also calm by imitating the same calmness. It will help to de-escalate the situation very effectively.
It is frustrating to fight against my own child. Sometimes parents and children hurt others and get affected by it. Yet, parents have to be calm and patient for the entire process as the reaction or the consequences can be negative at any point in time. Yelling or lashing out at each other will just escalate the situation. The best way to control the situation is to take some deep breaths, give it some time to think and approach it with a clear mind. The calm and composed demeanor will help the situation to de-escalate and have a positive example for the daughter or even for other children. This method can help to stop a fight between siblings.
8. Using time-outs fairly:
Using time out is the best method to take a break from the continuous fights. It will give both parents and daughter time to calm down , cool off and think of the situation. The time out is a brief process where the parents talk to their daughter and ask about the main reason for the continuous fights between parents and daughter. The time out will reflect on how the situation went out of control and the behaviours related to it.
Using time outs wisely is an effective way to give your daughter a break from the fight. It will give both some time to cool off, think of the situation, calm down and reflect on your behaviours. The time out should be brief and parents can talk to their daughter about what was the reason for the fight, how it went out of hand and how it can be handled better next time.
The continuous fights between parents and daughter are challenging for both parents and daughter. However, with the proper understanding of the reasons , ideal strategic activities and action plans will create a harmonious atmosphere at home. Using strategies like having grounding rules and conflict resolution tricks and well manners it is an easy job. More than this , spending quality time with daughters as parents helps to reduce stress , anxiety and tension between the relationship. Creating and having a personal space and providing privacy will help both parents and daughter to have some respect for each other. Lastly , being patient, calm and using time outs properly will help to reduce the fights to minimal.
Dealing with frequent fights against your own daughter is challenging for parents. Nonetheless, understanding the reasons behind every conflict and effective tips and strategies can create a harmonious home environment. Having clear ground rules, conflict resolution skills, good manners and good behaviours will pay off and the fights will be minimal in numbers. Other than this, spending quality time with each other, creating and respecting each other’s personal space, use of time outs and lastly being patient and staying calm will reduce the fight and eventually come to an end.