In today’s world, as parents, we are constantly walking the tightrope between guiding them through life and remaining out of their friendships. One question that is frequently having come across parents asking is whether it is okay to punish our children’s friends in front of them.
In speaking about discipline, we need to define what we are speaking of. Discipline is not punishment; it is teaching the appropriate behaviour, making children realise that there is a consequence to everything they do, and driving them to act rightly next time. Now, let’s add a little more by setting boundaries for the child as well as for his friends.
Suppose his friend is misbehaving during a play date with your son. Maybe he’s being rude or disrespecting your son or others in the house, very much. As a parent, you would want to teach him a lesson, but how you do this has the potential to change not only his behaviour but what he comes to believe about friendship and authority.
Pros of disciplining in front of your child
1. Modelling appropriate behaviour:
When you confront a child over their misbehaviour in front of your son, you’re teaching them how to resolve conflicts and set limits. Your child will learn a lot of important lessons about standing up for themselves and others.
2. Prompt correction:
The misbehaviour is acted on immediately so that the behaviour does not continue. It helps the friend realise sooner, rather than later in a private conversation, that what they do indeed has consequences. You show your son that you care about his life and the kind of relationships he has with other peers. This will, therefore, remind him of the nurturing and involved parent that you are, thus making your son feel comfortable approaching you when in need with his friends’ worries.
Cons of disciplining in front of your child
1. Humiliation:
Public confrontation with a friend over his conduct is something that will leave your child-and by extension, you’re son-humiliated. Children have a very sensitive perception of peer opinion; your actions may unintentionally estrange your child from his friends.
2. Conflicting signals:
If you punish a friend but your son does not think what the former is doing is wrong, it can lead to mixed signals. Maybe your child will wonder why you are interfering with something that seems acceptable to them.
3. Damage to friendships:
Friends of the over-disciplined child may feel he is not welcome in your home and therefore push them further away from your son. A child lives off the connection, so breaking that can leave long-term impressions.
Finding a balance
1. Talk in private:
In case, your friend is not behaving well with you or anyone else, do let him know off his ears. And this is great; it allows the child to save face while also taking on behaviour that requires correction.
2. Talk with your child:
Ask your son how he feels about what his friend did before you take some arbitrary move to isolate the boys from one another. It gives him a valid opinion and it tells you whether the situation is really that bad or not.
3. Establish a few ground rules beforehand:
Be sure to remind all the kids of your house rules before play date time. Taking the extra step to proactively handle troubles does keep them from happening, and I always enthusiastically welcome a more cheerful outlook among co-constructors.
4. Promote problem-solving:
Help your son work through small problems before you dive in. Strengthening a sense of autonomy and demonstrating problem-solving skills will help them in future.
5. Lead by example:
Children learn by observing. Demonstrate respectful communication and conflict resolution in your interactions, and your son will likely mirror those behaviours in his friendships.
Role of educational institution
The parenting method nevertheless is quite impactful in the type and quality of friendship that will develop an understanding of discipline, although it is also taught in school in different ways. With schools, especially CBSE schools, the best national school in Telangana, the top residential school for boys or girls features a unique learning environment that teaches kids necessary values such as respect for self and others, responsibility towards both people relevant to them, including their family members, teachers, students, neighbours, etc.
We at Delhi Public School DPS Warangal put a great focus on character in addition to academics, teaching children the skills needed to work well with peers and resolve conflicts. For example, if a program stresses social-emotional learning, it may be designed to help children recognize and regulate their emotions so that they become less angry when friends or classmates annoy them.
Encouraging healthy friendships
In our attempt to raise conscientious, compassionate children, we should encourage friendships that embody those ideas. Some ways to do this in your child’s support of socialising:
1. Encourage diversity:
Your son should have a well-balanced group of friends. The exposure helps him learn new perspectives to cultivate empathy.
2. Create group events:
Set up play dates where children have the opportunity to learn how to work and negotiate with other kids. Moreover, the top boarding school has organised sessions that encourage working with each other side by side.
3. Practice empathy:
Have your son think about how his friends might feel in different situations. Even just talking about characters, from a film or novel, for instance, and asking how they would feel in certain situations.
4. Offer a safe place:
Make your house become a safe place for all the children to express their feelings. This will help foster a sort of open communication and healthier friendships.
Counselling your son’s guests while he stands by is a complex topic; it has to be dealt with very sensitively and thought through. Despite the fact that it may be advantageous to talk about misbehaviour at the time, it is just as crucial to handle the situation gently with compassion and respect. By providing an environment where kids can be taught about what respect and responsibility should be, not only are we along with them, in their friendship circuits, but also we are giving them life skills that are vital.
Fundamentally, be it through commutation or conformation to the competence among the first-class educational institutions, the main aim is to create and sustain a community. As a result, we arm our kids for such a future in which they will be able to build relationships confidently and love tenderly. While you ponder over the impact and the success of your parenting, please do not ignore the fact that childhood is such a sensitive period that we are the ones who will affect the friendships of our kids in the years to come by what we say or do today.
At DPS Warangal, we understand that the issue of disciplining a child’s friends in the presence of them is complex and subtle, and, thus, consideration of our values as educators and a parent is not to be subjective. By shifting our emphasis from punishment to empathy and understanding, we construct a setting that teaches the children about not only boundaries but also compassion and respect for others. This method makes the children on the one hand solve their relationships with peers but also empowers them to be freer in their friendships with others.