In the frantic, hyper-connected world of today, few parents can afford to give liberties to their offspring. The anxiety of guardedly protecting and providing for the most successful result possible for a child often becomes over-involvement, commonly referred to as “helicopter parenting.” What exactly is helicopter parenting, and what might be some warning signs if you’re a helicopter parent? Let’s look into this with ways to help us understand ourselves, reflect, and make the right changes.
What is helicopter parenting?
The helicopter parent attends overly to their child, to the point of hovering over their every move like a helicopter, hence the name.
Helicopter parents are far from uncommon in that they:
- Try to be responsible for every little detail in their child’s day-to-day life.
- They will prevent their child from making a mistake or even facing an uncomfortable situation.
Generally, helicopter parenting is carried out with the best intentions: most often, love, care, and anxiety about the child’s well-being. However, helicopter parenting may have some unexpected effects on children over time. Children brought up under this type of parenting will often have difficulties with independence, decision-making, and resilience.
How helicopter parenting evolved?
Helicopter parenting is not an ancient phenomenon; it is something newer, invented in response to the specifics of modern pressure on society. With increasing academic competition, growing safety concerns, and access to information delivered by the internet, many parents feel forced to micromanage their child’s life to make him succeed.
Once upon a time, children were allowed to roam and play freely without much guidance. The pressure in education, more expectations in career lines and even the way of social existence have changed the nature of parenting. This fear of being outbid academically, socially, or emotionally has resulted in helicopter-style parenting.
Signs that you might be a helicopter parent
Sometimes it’s really hard to tell when you’re being a helicopter parent. You may just be trying to be supportive and involved, but there is this very thin line between helpful involvement and over-parenting.
1. You solve their problems for them –
Do you swoop in to fix the situation the moment your child faces an issue—whether that’s a fight with a friend, some tricky homework, or forgetting their lunch for school? Helicopter parents tend to jump in to solve issues and don’t allow their children to deal with consequences or work things out for themselves. Of course, you want to help your child, but constant interference may actually be doing more harm than good and building up confidence in handling life’s ups and downs.
2. You’re overly involved in their daily schedule –
Are you a helicopter parent, planning each and every minute of your child’s day? Helicopter parents tend to package their children’s daily schedule down to the last minute, organising school work, playtime, extracurricular activities, and even social interaction. Certainly, some structure is important. However, giving your child the opportunity to decide what to do with his or her time or indeed making independent decisions for themselves is essential to the development of autonomy. Over-scheduling makes them burn out and even leaves them out of the enjoyment of spontaneous play or creativity.
3. You shield them from failure –
It’s tough to watch your child fail or experience disappointment. However, failure is part of growing up—it does teach resilience, perseverance, and other related problem-solving skills. If you find yourself always shielding your child from any form of failure—be it a poor grade, losing a competition, or not getting their way—you might be a helicopter parent. Helicopter parents take every possible action to ensure the child never fails. In doing so, they inadvertently strangle their child’s ability to be resilient in the face of failure or to develop any degree of emotional strength.
4. You micromanage their relationships –
Do you plunge into battle when your child is arguing with a friend? Helicopter parents all too often control their child’s relationships with another child, or worse, dictate whom their child should be friends with.
5. You feel anxious about their success –
Helicopter parents worry excessively about their child’s performance in academics, sports, or social circles. Success is attributed to the child’s success, and a helicopter parent would overly dramatise and become overly anxious about their child falling behind in any area of life. This then trickles down to their child, who begins to feel pressured by high expectations, increased stress, anxiety, and fear of failing in the process.
Impact of helicopter parenting on children
While helicopter parenting sounds like aiming for success and happiness for a child, it will interfere with the normal development which also occurs in those situations where children are allowed some freedom.
They lacked independence; constant interventions from parents cannot make children learn how to make decisions, solve problems, or handle their own lives. They would become overly dependent on their parents for the route of guidance, thus delaying them from being mature, responsible, and independent adults.
1. Low Self-Confidence –
Lack of such children’s freedom to solve some of their problems or to handle any challenge will make them helpless, inefficient, and doubt themselves gradually. Low self-confidence is the actual result of helicopter parenting because children will feel they cannot be successful unless someone assists them.
2. Stress and Anxieties –
While trying to get their children to reach a higher level of performance, parents may create a situation that fills a child’s life with stress and anxiety. A child might feel he is constantly under surveillance and, therefore, always in a perpetual state of being judged.
3. Poor Problem-Solving Skills –
Since everything is taken care of by the parents, the children miss out on the wonderful opportunity to develop critical problem-solving and decision-making skills. This may leave children less prepared and vulnerable in the face of the realities of adulthood.
How to step back and encourage independence?
Encouraging your child’s independence is essential for their growth and development. One effective way to do this is to let things happen naturally. By allowing your child to experience the natural consequences of their actions, you help them develop important life skills.
1. Let things happen naturally –
Possibly, one of the best ways that children can learn responsibility is by letting them experience the natural consequences of their actions. If they forget their homework or make a mistake, let them face the outcome. It teaches them accountability and helps them realise from experiences.
2. Advance problem solving –
Instead of helping your child out with the problems, keep asking him to figure out solutions. Ask your child questions like what he feels he should do in such a situation or what he would do if he were in such a situation. This could really help in training a healthy level of critical thinking and wise decision-making skills.
3. Offer them freedom –
Let your child have some age-appropriate choices in doing after-school activities, choosing to tackle homework or settling disputes with friends. In return, they are more secure and gain confidence in themselves.
4. Practise mindful parenting –
Take a moment and think about why you were intervening in your child’s life. Were you coming from a place of fear or anxiety? The mindful parenting approach is a delicate balance between interceding for your child and not getting overstepped.
Usually, helicopter parents develop out of love and care toward a child; thus, it is necessary to discern when involvement becomes over-involvement. Not retreating or setting aside the child from such instances, not creating enough space for him or her, and not letting the child experience any hardship can only make your child grow more independent, resilient, and confident-allowing them to succeed. Parenting is a journey: At some point, you will find yourself between guidance and freedom. This will be a perfect time to avoid raising a dependent child and accept the challenge of developing a healthier relationship with your child which will foster growth, not dependence.
At DPS Warangal, it is understood that over-parenting is a subtle issue that requires a sharp analysis of our approach as parents and its implications on the child. Understanding and accepting this can help parents shift their attention from controlling towards nurturing independence in order for the child to have space not only to succeed but also to develop resilience and confidence in self-functioning.